Jane Haque's Blog
TELLING IT - the truth
I believe in speaking the truth as I know it. But I also believe that what I say should be 'generous' - said in a way that the person listening to what I say is not bored, or embarrassed, or shocked, or hurt. After all, if what I say is not generous, then maybe that person won't want to hear from me again.
Once I told a story about myself that was, well, 'exaggerated'. I said I did more than I actually did. I wanted the other person to like me more. But it was really a lie. At first I was happy that the person listened to me and seemed in awe of what I had done. I was a hero to them; I was like a famous person. I felt good that I had told the story like that and went away smirking and somewhat proud of myself.
But it all backfired. My friend told someone else what I had done. That person was amazed too, and so they told someone. Now several people thought I was something I was not. It was getting out of hand. I got nervous. Too many people knew.
So I went to my friend who had first heard the story and said not to tell it anymore.
"Why not?" she said.
"Because I sort of exaggerated about it," I said.
My friend then knew that I had not told the truth to her, and, because she had told the story too, she felt stupid and thought her friends would think she was not truthful. "You're a liar", she said. And she walked away.
Days later, when I saw my friend again, she was still upset with me. I said I was sorry, and she said it was OK. But it wasn't OK; from then onward, whenever I told my friend anything at all, she didn't believe me. She doubted everything I said. I had to tell her time and time again that I WAS honest. But for a long time she didn't believe it, and neither did the friends she knew.
So, I learned that TELLING IT LIKE IT IS is important - the first time you tell it; every time you tell it. It takes too long to 'undo' when you don't.
ABOUT Grandma Jane
"In writing this BLOG, I think of my own grandchildren and the questions they might ask me. But I could be 'Grandma' to anyone under the age of, well, 30! Because I have had many experiences in my life, and have learned from teachers everywhere, I do know some things and I'm willing to share them with you. Please write back and let me know how it works out in your life." (Jane Haque, a.k.a "Grandma Jane")
"The opinions expressed here are my own. What I say is neither right nor wrong, correct nor incorrect, accurate nor inaccurate. It is merely my thoughts at this time. Comments I have heard from others will appear in quotes (""); I will attempt to mention the name or initials of the person I quote. I can be a bit 'off the wall' in my statements, although I do promise my language will not be offensive or profane to most! In turn, although I am always flattered when others speak about me, please do attribute what I say or write to me alone, and give me credit for my words. Thank you." (Jane Haque)